Leenalee's Little Secret
by redemption2
Summary: One Shot: Another typical day in Order HQ. Allen's doing reports, Komui is being lazy, and Leenalee is throwing up. Wait, what? What's that all about! Another funny filler between arcs. Updated with a correction.


Lenalee's Little Secret

Allen Walker sat in the cafeteria of Black Order headquarters. Instead of his usual hundred plates of food, in front of him he had stacks of papers. It turned out that his mission reports were far too small and incomplete. _"So you have to do them over again… ALL of them, from your recruitment at the Order."_ The commander's voice ran through his head again. His forehead slammed against the table and he sighed.

His golden golem, Timcanpy, flapped its wings and landed on the paperwork. It poked Allen with its wing. He raised his head, grumpily. "Tim, get off the paper, you'll poop all over it." He brushed the little thing off. "And that's the last thing I need."

It hovered for a few seconds before landing again, bouncing up and down to get his attention.

"I don't have time to play right now. You heard the commander. I have to finish this."

It bounced onto his forehead and slapped it with its little hand before plopping down on the papers, turning upwards.

"NO!" Allen stood up and hit it hard. "I told you, no poop! You're being a nuisance, now scram! Go play with some other exorcist!"

Tim's mouth opened, baring its teeth. Allen shot a dark look at it that shut it up with a gulp before it dashed off. "Geez."

Tim flew around HQ, pissed and annoyed. "UmGH! PLEEEAAAAHHH!" It screeched to a halt and backed up to where the sound came from, the women's bathroom. "Oh God, this is really worse than I thought." A pale and weak-looking Lenalee wobbled out the door. Tim would have blinked if it had an eye. "Eh? Timcanpy?"

It landed on her shoulder and patted her cheek tenderly.

"Me? I'm fine, really. Just a little stomach bug. Where's Allen?" The little golem spat up the memory of the briefing before swallowing it again. "Nii-san is such a hardass sometimes." She rubbed her belly tenderly. "So I'm guessing he's in the cafeteria right now. Is anyone else in there?"

The little winged ball shook its… body.

"Good." She went back to her room quickly, leaving Tim in midair. She returned in her pure black coat, holding her stomach, which to Tim looked a little bit bigger than before. Tim bumped it, and she squeaked. "Tim!" She scolded, but sighed. "Of course you'd notice. But it's our little secret, okay?"

It shrugged with its wings.

"Let's go." She walked towards the cafeteria.

Deep in the basement, one of the Innocence began to glow. The entity known as Hevlaska gasped. "A new user has been found! Rejoice!"

Lenalee swallowed and rushed out of the hall. She peeked around the corner and didn't see anyone other than Allen hunched over his paperwork. She went to the kitchen and ordered two trays worth of food. "This much Lenalee? You normally don't have a full plate."

"Yeah, I know. It's a special time for me." She shrugged, caressing her belly the entire time. "Oh, and I'll take it to go."

"Mmm? Unusual… but okay." In a few minutes the order was ready. "Hai, maidou!"

"Thank you." As Lenalee turned to leave, Timcanpy waved its wing at her, drawing her close to Allen's table. He was snoring quietly, drooling onto his good arm. "Oh you poor thing." She gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek before putting the hood over his head. "Keep an eye on him, okay Tim?" The ball nodded its body.

Exiting into the hall Hevlaska started up again. "The Innocence has chosen a new host! Rejoice! Rejoice!"

"SHUT UP!" Lenalee screamed down at the creature. Doors started to open above and below her, stunned by the commotion. She gulped and raced back into her quarters, locking the door.

Of course, something like that wouldn't stay away from the commander's ears for long. "Lenalee did that? My Lenalee?"

"A-ah…." One of the research team scratched his head. "About 10 witnesses heard her yell, and those with views of her room saw her run into it shortly afterwards."

"Strange."

"Commander, we've been keeping quiet about this, but she's been acting strange lately." Blob 65 spoke beyond his taped mouth.

"My Lenalee? Strange? I think you should look in the mirror, friend. You're the strange one."

"Touche', however her behavior isn't normal for her. She has been antisocial with other Order members, orders more food than normal, and then the outburst today…."

"Oh don't be so worried. If anything was wrong with my Lenalee, I'd know about it." He took a sip of his coffee from his bunny mug, and spit it out all over his cohorts. "BLEAGH! Who made this! This isn't Lenalee's coffee!" Komui stopped for a second, realization coming across his face. He made a cutesy smile and called up her room. "Lenalee, could you be a sweetie and make me some of your special coffee? You know I just love it the way you make it. You always know exactly how I like it."

"If you know how you like it, then why DON'T YOU MAKE IT YOURSELF!" Her yelling blew his hair antennae out of place. She hung up quickly. He blinked, stunned.

"C…commander…?"

Komui stood up silently, turning around, his fist gripped tight. He began hiccupping, then sobbing. He turned to the front, tears pouring down his face. "My precious Lenalee! What could be wrong with my Lenalee!"

"Ah! The paperwork! The paperwork!" They tried to move all the unsigned papers away from his waterfall, but he seemed clearheaded enough to aim it straight for them.

"C-commander, may-maybe we should ask Hevlaska?"

He immediately stopped crying and straightened, coughing. "Excellent idea. Let us go."

"I know not what has come to pass. However when the one possessing the Dark Boots approached, the Innocence of Regeneration began to react."

"The one that Kanda took off of the 1000 year old warrior."

"Correct."

"And you are sure it was the one with the Dark Boots?"

"Yes. The reaction happened twice. Each time, the Dark Boots were in close vicinity to the new potential user."

"But I thought only one Innocence can be assigned to a person."

"Also correct."

"Then explain how this is possible."

"I know not what has come to pass. It would seem that a new user was only recently created."

"Unh?" Allen awoke to the sound of scribbling. "When did I…?" He sat up.

Timcanpy heard him sit up, and it flipped around, a pen in its mouth, nodding up and down.

"Tim?" It hopped to the side, showing him the picture he drew, of Lenalee kissing him on the cheek while he was asleep. "This is… AH! My report! You doodled all over my report!" He stood up and snarled, snatching the pen away from Tim. "Now I have to do it all over AGAIN! GET OUT you little demon golem!" He smacked it hard, and it splatted against the wall.

"It's a mistake." The commander was back at his desk. "That's the only explanation. It's a mistake."

"But maybe it's…."

"Didn't you hear me! I said it's a mistake!"

"But you can't rule out…."

"A mistake!"

"But…."

"MISTAKE!" The room was silent. Something crawled on the floor underneath some papers as everyone missed taking notice. He sighed. "All right. Say it. Someone say what we're all thinking. Webber… say it."

The bearded man gulped. "Um… w-well… The most plausible explanation is…" He winced. "Lenalee is pregnant." He cringed, expecting something painful to happen.

Instead, the Komui smacked his face into his desk and didn't move. The lump of papers scurried out the door. "GAAAAHH!" He yelled into the desk, flailing his arms wildly. "It can't be true! It can't be true! IT CAN'T BE TRUE! When? Where? How? How could my Lenalee be pregnant! We haven't even done it!"

The rest of the room sweatdropped. "Well, she is a woman now. She may have found someone that… GUGH!" The phone smacked Webber in the forehead.

"No. One. Would. DARE!"

"Maybe it's all a misunderstanding." 65 caught the injured man. "Why don't we just ask Lenalee and put to rest this entire mess?"

"Um? Yes! Brilliant! I'll go right now!" He dove for the door. As soon as he opened it, the pigtailed girl gasped, stunned. "Uh? Lenalee!"

"N-Nii-san!" She gulped as she stood up quickly, whispering "Innocence, hatsudou!" Her boots activated and she jumped high, running away.

"Ahhh!" The commander gasped, noting the large bulge in her black dress that she held with her hand. He went to his knees and sobbed. "She's pregnant. She's really pregnant! Why? Why wouldn't she tell me?"

"Maybe the father is someone we know?" Someone suggested. The others slapped their foreheads.

His antennae stood on end. "The father… the bastard who knocked up my Lenalee! Who is it! WHO!"

"Well, let's look at it logically. For such a practical girl, she would have to know or spend a lot of time with the person. And she doesn't like older men, so it would have to be someone younger or her same age. One of the only candidates around here is…." The others clamped his mouth shut and shushed him.

"Are you insane? Do you want him to go on a jealous rampage again? You've already said too much! What if…."

"Huh huh huh! Ha ha ha HA!" They all turned to their commander, who stood up, his hair bristling. "BWAHAHAHAHA! I see now!" He slumped over and bared his fangs. "Allen Walker." The others gulped. "I'll make sure you don't live to find out if it's a boy or girl." He pulled a strange object out of his pocket. "It's Komorphin Time!" The object exploded into smoke, and when it cleared, he was wearing some kind of spandex pink bunny suit with the Black Order emblem on his back. "Walker, I will punish you for stealing Lenalee's Innocence!" He began to tromp towards the cafeteria, the others running after him.

"Huh? But doesn't Lenalee have her boots though? Hey, wait for me!"

"Hold on, commander!" The others tried to block him and hold him fast, but he was slowly gaining ground. "We don't even know if it's Walker!"

"I don't care! He's the closest candidate! If he didn't, then he might someday! I'll castrate him before that happens!"

"Be reasonable for once, please! At least let us…." Webber stopped, noticing a golden golem with a bump on its "head" flapping around. "T-timcanpy! Come here, quick!" It shrugged and flapped its way over. "See, commander? Tim's memory can clear Allen's name, right?"

"GrrrrrRRR! Fine!" Komui turned to the golem. "Tim! Show me the truth! Lenalee is pregnant by Walker, isn't she? What you show will determine if your master lives or dies!"

Tim blinked for a second, before its sharp toothy smile split its body. It was still pissed at Allen for treating him bad. It rolled back and forth for a while, occasionally wrapping a memory on its tongue and sticking it out, only to pull it back in again and roll some more. Once satisfied it turned up and spat out the image.

"_You're being a nuisance, now scram!" Allen reached for Tim. The screen went black._

"_Allen-kun!" Lenalee squeaked, the screen still black._

"_Lenalee!" Allen yelled._

"_Ooh… agh… ahahahah." Lenalee's squeaks echoed._

"_Ungh… mmm… aum… aum…." Allen continued. "Haaaahh!"_

"_GUAH!" Lenalee squealed. "Allen…kun." She whispered weakly._

"_Lena…lee." Allen whispered weakly. Then all of a sudden sounding much more chipper, "Arigato!"_

_The image came back, of Lenalee kissing him on the cheek while asleep._

"_UmGH! PLEEEAAAAHHH! Oh God, this is really worse than I thought." A pale and weak-looking Lenalee wobbled out the door._

_She rubbed her belly tenderly. "It's our little secret, okay?"_

Tim swallowed the memory again and chuckled with its toothy grin.

Komui was as white as a sheet and his antennae looked broken.Reever was the first to speak. "Tim, what happened to the image halfway through? Are you broken?"

"It's obvious, isn't it?" Black steam rose from the commander. "He hid Tim so he couldn't record the act, but he got the sound. I won't forgive him! She sounded tortured. How dare he harm her Innocence!" He broke into a run.

The others didn't do a thing.Reever looked to them. "Hey, aren't we going to stop him like we normally do?"

"Why should we? This time he has proof. Let him."

"Tim."Reever looked cross at the golem, and it recoiled. "You concocted that, didn't you?" It wobbled no. "Tim, if your master dies because of this, it's on your head… well… body." Its wings slumped before it nodded. "Good boy. Come on."

"Done!" Allen leaned back in his seat, the pile of papers neatly arranged. He turned to his scrap pages. "Uh?" He saw the detailed sketch of Lenalee kissing him. "Tim drew this didn't he? To cheer me up? I didn't even realize until now. Oi, Tim! Timcanpy! Where'd you go?" He got up and turned around.

KRASH! The table behind him smashed in half, throwing his papers into the air. "Walker!" A blackened figure blew puffs of smoke as Allen slowly turned back. "DIE!"

"Eh?" Was all Allen could get out before he was flung across the room. "Itte!" He pulled himself out of the pile of chairs and tables. "What was that?" He grunted as he turned towards his assailant. The shadow cleared, revealing a man with dark hair and glasses in a spandex bunny suit. "Commander? Wh- what's with that outfit?" He stifled a chuckle.

"Unforgiveable. UNFORGIVEABLE!" His eyes burned with fire.

"What's it this time, Commander? Something stupid about Lenalee again?"

"STUPID!" Komui launched at blinding speed.

Reeverwas first to round the corner into the cafeteria. "Allen, run! You'll die!"

"What!"

Before he could react, Komui was next to him. "Komurin… PUNCH!" He gave a strong uppercut that blasted him through the ceiling.

"GWAAAHHH!"

"Allen!" A black-cloaked figure caught him in midair and floated over to the nearest floor.

"Krowley! Thank you!" Allen wobbled forward.

"Komurin… JUMP!" Komri burst through the hole and turned towards the boy. "Found you!" He pulled out a very sci-fi-loooking gun out of nowhere. "Komurin… RIFLE!" A beam lanced towards them both.

"Kgh!" Allen ripped off the glove on his hand. "Innocence, HATSUDOU!" His gigantic gray hand appeared and covered both himself and Krowley, shielding them from the blast. "Stop, Commander! What's wrong with you!"

"So it finally came out! Now I can destroy you without…." His head clonked against the ceiling. "Aaaahhhhh." He floated down into the basement.

"Wh… what was that about de aru?" Krowley looked down to where he landed.

"I don't have a clue." Allen panted.

"Komurin Vega-ZORD! COME!" A giant T-rex shaped mecha with Komurin's classic head slowly rose from below, taking up the entire tower.

"USO!" Allen's jaw dropped. "K…Komurin!"

"Komurin V!" Komui's voice echoed from inside the chest. "The inputs in my power suit allow me to control it to perfection. Allen Walker, I sentence you to death!" Its eye flashed.

"BWAH!" Allen and Krowley jumped out of the way just before where they were standing was vaporized. They broke into a run as explosions chased them around the halls.

"Allen-kun, what could you have possibly have done to him to make him this angry de aru?"

"I don't have a clue! Please do something!"

"You won't escape! DIE WALKER!"

"Sorry de aru! My Innocence only activates near demon blood de aru! I would get pummeled de aru!" He jumped into an open door. "Well, this is my stop de aru. Have fun de aru!" Krowley slammed the door shut.

"Krowley!"

Yawning, a red-haired exorcist rubbed the sleep out of his good eye. "Aaah. The good commander has built another one."

"Gaaaaahhhh!" Allen kept running. "Lavi! Lavi help!"

Watching the destruction, he surveyed the situation. "Hmm. Allen-chan, good luck! Fighto! Fighto!" He closed his door.

"Lavi…" Allen teared up. "Uh?" He saw a swordsman. "Kanda! Kanda… hel… yeah right." He just ran past, which Kanda seemed perfectly fine with.

"Why is everything so noisy this morning?" Bookman emerged with a once again yawning Lavi.

"Bookman! Please, stop it from moving with your needles!"

"I refuse. I will stand and record this."

"Record…. Oi, old panda, what does this have to do with anything? What are you recording it for?" Lavi scratched his head.

"Why, blackmail of course." He grinned.

"Oh… Oooohhh!"

"Am I really going to die here!" Allen's tears left a trail in his wake.

Lenalee stumbled out of her room, looking pale. "Ugh."

"Lenalee-san!"Reever gasped for breath as he reached her.

"Reever-san? What's wrong? What's my brother done this time?"

"Well, you see…" He pushed her hair back and whispered in her ear.

"Heep!" She gasped as she turned completely red. "Innocence, HATSUDOU! Level 2 Activate!" Her sonic boots shot her forward at blinding speed, landing on the back of the robot. She knocked on the door and spoke sweetly. "Oh Nii-san. Please let me in."

"No! For your sake Lenalee, I can't let even you in without the password!"

"Oh, Nii-san, pleeeeeeese?"

"NO!"

She sighed. "I don't have the energy for this. The password is Lenalee."

The door opened without any effort. "Damn, I need to get a new word." She gave him a swift kick to the head that sent him flying out of the robot and landing next to Allen.

"Eh! Lenalee!"

"Must… kill… Walker…!" He gripped the boy's ankle.

"Nii-san, enough!" She landed next to the both of them. "I'm not… I'm… I'm…." Her body went limp and she vomited before she collapsed.

"Lenalee? Lenalee!" Both Allen and Komui gasped.

When she woke up, she was in her own bed, her brother sobbing next to her. "Lenalee… look what has happened… just because you took a risk with Walker."

"Nii-san."

"Uh!" He sat up quickly, drying his eyes.

"Enough, Nii-san. I'm not pregnant. I'm not having a baby."

"Eh? But…?"

"Tim was being bad, and made a fake video. It wasn't real. I'm still whole."

"But what about the puking and the crabbyness?"

"I've been dealing with a stomach flu for a week. It's hard for me to sleep."

"But the food, and the belly…."

"I got more food to eat so I could try and keep it down. As for the belly…." She sat up slowly and clicked her teeth.

"Mrow…." Two black kittens emerged from her closet.

"These two are the cause. They get out when I don't take them with me, so I've been hiding them in my coat."

"But we don't allow pets here, Lenalee. You know that!"

"Of course I know! Why do you think I tried to hide it from you!" She looked away. "Besides. Komu and Rin don't have anywhere to go."

He blinked. "Komu… and Rin?" He sniffled before pouncing her and hugging the stuffing out of her, tears flying everywhere. "Lenalee! You named them after me! How could I not let you keep them! Besides one of them is a compatible user, but that's not the point! Lenaleeeeeeeeee!"

"Nii-san… I'm gonna… gonna puke!" She wimpered. "PLEAGH!" The kittens winced.

Lenalee's door opened, and Komui emerged, only to find Allen sitting next to it with Timcanpy bowing apologetically as many times as it took. "Walker!" Allen swallowed and stood at attention. The commander placed an arm on his shoulder. "I was in the wrong today. I'm sorry."

"Sir…. I…. EH!"

Komui looked past his glasses with a stare that would kill a demon. "You sure there's nothing going on I should know about!"

"Nothing! Nothing at all! I've just been trying to help her through her flu!"

"Sou ka! Then I've got nothing to worry about! Look after her for me, Allen-kun!" He skipped off. "Now then, time to get some paperwork done!"

"What about all of this!" His staff yelled. Komurin V was still stuck in the tower, half of the floors had been blown up, and pieces were starting to crumble.

"What are you talking about? Nothing's wrong. Lenalee's floor is just fine!"

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT!"

Allen chuckled as he turned into Lenalee's room. "Hey."

"Hey." She smiled at him.

"Brought something for you. The cooks said it should stay down no matter what."

"Thanks." She sat up and slurped at it.

"You gonna be okay?" He sat down next to her bed.

"Yeah… just stay with me, okay?"

"Unh." He smiled. "You'll get better soon."

"I already feel it." She leaned forward and kissed him tenderly on the lips. He grinned as she pulled back. "Remember…."

"'Our little secret.'" He kissed her this time, before tucking her into bed.

Author's Note: Recently in the reviews people have recently gotten the ending of this story completely wrong. Leenalee is NOT pregnant. She was telling her brother the truth. However the "Little Secret" is that Allen and Leenalee are a couple. Of course they wouldn't tell Komui that, or else he'd squeeze Allen's head until it popped like a zit. Honestly, I don't know how you can get to the conclusion that she's pregnant at the end. Thank you.


End file.
